Sending a Proper Thank You

Forging bonds with a hand-written note

An evening settles in over Scribe Winery in Sonoma

If you follow me on Instagram you know I’ve just returned from a whirlwind 10-day romp through Northern California and the Bay Area. I’m road weary but inspired and collecting all of my notions, discoveries, and thoughts for a more detailed missive about the area. I’ll release it for paid subscribers on Friday.

If you’re not already a paid subscriber, you can join the fun here:

In the meantime, the first thing I do when I return home from any extended trip is to sit at the dining table and issue a proper thank you to those I encountered along the way.

What has happened to the written thank you note? It’s gone the way of the dodo in many circles. Not every interaction or dinner party requires a handwritten note - for more casual, easygoing outings a text or email will often suffice. But I can confirm that receiving a personal, handwritten note from a friend is a complete and total day brightener. The idea that someone took the time to sit and craft a personal message is flattering. It feels good to send a thank you, but it really feels good to be on the receiving end. You feel considered. Thought of. Cared for.

I was raised by grandparents (and parents) that harangued me constantly about writing my “thank you’s.” For birthdays, Christmas, graduation gifts, or special considerations - a handwritten note was the only right and proper way to express thanks.

At the time, I found the practice completely inane and had to be consistently prodded to get it done. Only when I discovered the joy of personal stationery did I begin to come around to the idea. Having a personal touch - my name emblazoned in a typeface of my choosing atop a crisp white sheet of weighted paper - appealed to my inner adult. It made the whole enterprise feel so official.

And it still does! I feel so accomplished every time I drop a handwritten note in the mail. And while I’m still not batting 1000, my letter writing record is vastly improved over my teenage years.

Now I keep a nice stock of stationery from a classic Southern stationer, Arzberger Stationers. Having them on hand makes it easy. They do beautiful work from their mid-century building in Charlotte, NC. The stationery is classic, elegant, and beautifully made. My personal notes are edged in Hunter Green, with my full name at the top in clean sans serif type. (And for friends, you always cross out the middle and last name - a sign that you’re on a first name basis!)

For someone seeking a more modern stationery, perhaps something with an edge or a little humor, Terrapin Stationers is another great resource.

And of course, if you’ve got great paper, the whole affair begs for a proper pen. I always have a large supply of Muji pens on hand. Every time I’m in NYC I like to browse McNally Jackson’s Goods for the Study, where I’ve found a number of great writing instruments over the years. My recent favorites are the Sport models from Kaweco - ideally one of their timeless fountain pens.

Happy writing!