Dudes, Pamper Thyself

An ode to a good foot rub, and more.

This post is mostly for the men in the crowd, but I’d say the notions contained herein are applicable to women, as well. So before you toss this note in the trash, read on! And if you’re a woman with a man in your life who might benefit from the message, please pass it along to them.

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By and large, men from my “neck of the woods,” the South, don’t seem to be keen on self-care. I’m not talking about diet and exercise (although I could!), but more the self care of pampering: massage, manicures, pedicures, facials, skincare, etc.

Although I’m not sure my own mother ever had a massage, I would say most of the women I know (my wife included) are hip to the idea of treating themselves once in a while. More men need to get with the program.

Post facial Oxygen bubble - a first for me.

I think there is an outdated idea (often among men, but not always) that these treatments are only for women, and men that enjoy them are in some ways not “manly.” This is ridiculous, and the people who subscribe to this mode of thinking are bozos. I enjoy all of the above with regularity. And I’m all the better for it.

I believe my introduction to the idea started in my early 20’s, after I’d moved to Charleston. I was working for a chef who mentioned offhand he’d had a pedicure the day before. Chuckles ensued from the surrounding scrum, but he insisted that after standing all day, the smartest thing he could do was to tend to the tools (his feet and legs) that allowed him that ability. This was the smartest thing I’d ever heard.

At the time I was spending 10-12 hours on my feet all day, too, plus taking runs before work. I’m fairly certain I got a pedicure the next week. And I loved it.

I was in. I started getting pedicures regularly. And while I was there - sure - why not throw in the manicure, too? Getting my hands rubbed with oil, my cuticles clipped and mended - this was one step away from being fed grapes while reclining. Being tended to in this way feels … nice. No one had ever given me permission before, and I don’t know why I felt I needed it. I was young, and not as confident as I am today.

At Isabel, my favorite spot for a facial in Charleston.

Pedicures and manicures gave way to massages, which I found really help with the physical nature of restaurant work and the aches that accompany the passing of time. Eventually my wife encouraged me to try a facial. This was years ago, and while I haven’t enjoyed them regularly (they’re expensive), in the last couple of years I’ve started to enjoy several a year from my favorite spot in Charleston.

After my first facial years ago, I came home and told my wife “I look like I’m 15 years old.” It felt good to do something nice for myself. And while I still struggle with my own acceptance of it (“Does this make me vain?”), those issues don’t outweigh how nice I feel afterward. I mean, fellas: your skin glows. It ain’t just for the ladies!

The whole discovery of this world really unlocked the universe where I live now - one of intentional self care. I’m more enlightened about products and how I care for myself beyond diet and exercise. I don’t just wash my face and roll, I think about what I use, how it will work with my skin, and what will help me feel my best each day.

Since this newsletter is basically becoming a less precious Goop written by a guy, I thought it would be nice to share the products I use regularly. Over the last decade I’ve tried a lot of things - mostly what my wife brought home - and began to understand what worked best for me. These are things I keep stocked both at home and in my Dopp kit, ready for easy travel.

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Lip balm - Any time I leave Charleston, my lips dry up. I don’t know if I’ve become accustomed to the humidity here, or if other places are just remarkably dry. Either way, I have to have lip balm stocked in my Dopp kit, or else. Years ago I bought several jars of Sauvina from Labour & Wait in London. It’s a product that’s been manufactured since the late 1800’s, and it works. I keep it regularly stocked, and it makes a great gift, as well.

Face Wash - my wife introduced me to SkinCeuticals years ago, which seems to tow the line between art and science. It’s not too flashy or fancy, but it’s higher end than what you might buy at CVS. I like it because it’s light and creamy, but you still get a lather. Psychologically, I need a lather to believe my face is being cleaned. I use the Gentle Cleanser and I just decant it into a smaller squeeze bottle for travel.

Eye Cream - I only got serious about eye cream in the last year. I’m almost 40, and shit starts to change. A man doesn’t look as fresh as he once did. I put this Kiehl’s Eye Defender on every morning and night. I have no idea if it makes a difference, but I like the routine. And I love Kiehl’s, a classic American skincare brand. I’m a fan of any of their products and every time I’m in the Atlanta airport (which is often), I stock up on travel sizes of various products.

Moisturizer - this year I acquiesced to using a moisturizer with sunscreen. In the morning I use Kiehl's Ultra Facial Moisturizer with Sunscreen, and in the evening, before bed, I use their Ultra Facial Cream, a milkier, thicker situation that feels super luxurious. Honestly, it feels good to really dial in what I like, and I can say that my skin feels great after using both of these regularly.

Body Lotion - also proof that I’m a grown up, fully formed adult, I now use Body Lotion after the shower for the first time in my life. I’m talking full coverage, as if I am a baby pig being prepped for the spit. I use Aveeno, which is gentle, affordable, and readily available. I buy the biggest package I can find, with a pump. I don’t know why this brings me so much joy, but I favor a routine, and I like the workflow that accompanies my morning.